So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
