She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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