these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I smell stomach acid.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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