here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize