we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
