Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
