is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
