I need to stop coming to work sober
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
