i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
MIDGETS
????
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
