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This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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