i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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