I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
