The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
