ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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