Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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