this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
