but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
3 2 1 whiskey
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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