Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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