when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
