Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
