I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
