that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
