ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
