How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
