Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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