he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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