I want to walk on stilts...naked
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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