i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
