Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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