Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
