I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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