Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
