A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The power of my boobs compel you
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
