Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
