If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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