I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
