Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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