so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize