Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
