Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
