The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
