he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Rumble strips road head = magical
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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