My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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