I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
