he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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