I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize