once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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