So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
