someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You are the jesus of drinking
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
