The maid of honor just puked.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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