yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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