R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
