Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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