Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
