it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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