Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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