It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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