just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
