I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
