this beer tastes like vomit already
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
