he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
