she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
