i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
