omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
