My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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