i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
