just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize