I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
