I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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