Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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