lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
