oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
