I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
