You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
