So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
