If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
sex in a hospital.. check
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize