Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
