I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
