So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
