i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
