i think my mom watched the whole time
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
