It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
