birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
