hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it glows. i had to have it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
