So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
