well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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