I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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