I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He did a backflip because drugs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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