He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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