my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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