If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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