No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
