I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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