i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
