so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
