she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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