well I can't set my house on fire every night
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize