I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
