we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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