I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
