Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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