its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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