Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
