does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
