He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Bring me that man meat
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
